Beyonce coined the phrase “put a ring on it” so it seems fitting to look at her husband as an example of a man who is open to changing his ‘John Hancock’ to include his wife’s maiden name. Reported by several blogs in December 2009, Jay-Z, whose birth name is Shawn Carter, is comfortable with changing his name to Shawn Knowles-Carter. WAIT! Please allow me to check the bottom of my shoes to make sure I’m standing on cement and not a block of ice in the pits of hell.
Check Complete. Hell has not frozen over.
Instead, (if this is true) we have found a man who is living proof that all men aren’t caught up in an inflated sense of maleness that rejects reason. Why is having a combined name reasonable? The real question is why ISN’T it reasonable?
The dynamics of marriage and relationships between men and women have changed dramatically. Many men are no longer primarily responsible for providing for their wife and family; that has become a shared role. Despite what many church-goers say, it isn’t in the bible! And if marriage is truly a representation of two equal parties uniting in love, what is wrong with acknowledging both parties in that union?
While Jay-Z represents a glimmer of hope that breaks away from the norm, it seems like he is one of few because most men I speak to say they will NEVER change their name to include their wife’s name. Why? I have no idea!
While many of them know, for sure, that they won’t do it, NONE have been able to explain to me the reasoning behind that decision. Many have given me the same response: “It’s just not how it’s done.” 
Translation:
1. It will make me look like less of a man
2. I’m too scared to have to defend my decision in front of other men
3. My wife won’t respect me, etc.
Basically, the men I’ve spoken to are too insecure in their manhood to change their ‘John Hancock’ to a ‘Shawn Hancock’ by combining their wife’s last name with their own. In the end, the male ego has whipped a lot of women into accepting tradition for tradition’s sake and this seems to be no exception.
Drink to that!
Couple things on this topic:
1. Men are responsible for keeping that house hold’s name living on, woman are not. History shows women go on and marry men and take on their last name typically. As opposed to when a father has a son he can rest assure that his son will live on, get married and produce offspring and continue the cycle. This is one reason men may be opposed to taking on a woman’s last name.
2. I think this question is more of a hot button now due to the changes in our society. For many years men have always made more income than women so it wasn’t even a thought of a man taking on a woman’s last name. Nowadays, women are making as much as or more money than men and especially in the African American community. In a lot of cases “sistas” are bringing home as much as or more than “brothers”. So, I think a lot of woman are saying “Hold on now, I am bringing a lot to this relationship emotionally, physically, spiritually, ect, ect, and now even financially! Why shouldn’t my man take on half of my name if this is a true partnership?” So, I see and understand that side of things.
3. What I say is ladies & gents, pick your battles carefully. Relationships are hard enough nowadays. Don’t blow a good thing (if you have a good thing) if it really isn’t that important to you anyway. I suggest a healthy conversation about the topic before moving forward.
West West Yall
I support that 100% Left Coast Scholar. Nothing is wrong with picking your battles and maybe this just isn’t a battle many women want to fight. I respect that! But, it is interesting to understand why men are so opposed to it. I think dialogue around this issue is healthy so women and men can understand why “taking the name” or “leaving it” is important. Thanks for the insight.
The dynamics of relationships are changing constantly and although, I once thought of myself as a feminist (in some ways I still am), I am growing and adapting to more traditional roles in my life because they are fading. If you asked me in highschool and college would I change my name…the answer would have been NO. As I have gotten older, I have a new found outlook and appreciation for taking my husbands name. Now…when my husband and I were dating there were times when I paid and the waiter would call him by my last name. Yes, it led to giggles but at the end of the day…I’m flattered that he wanted to share his name with me. As for my maiden name, it has evolved into the new phase that is me, and as McDonald’s says…I’m lovin’ it!
When my husband and I got married he was really offended my hyphenating my name… And yes he couldn’t give me a reason why he was offended. I really don’t see it as being a big deal either, and believe it has just become a cultural tradition for women to take their husbands name.
But I am a little lost about the comment referring to men not being financially responsible for the home. Doesn’t the bible teach a man will be held accountable for the prosperity of his family?
I personally think the 3 reasons listed above as to why men allegedly will not hyphenate their names are based on a few, statistically insignificant small interviews AT BEST.
I think a WOMAN wanting her man to [nontraditionaly, uncustomarily, uncharacteristically do something] will definetely make him uncomfortable. Along those lines i think a MAN asking his wife to create a NEW and 3rd name based on combining their last names (as “cute” as that BranJalina is) would also make HER uncomfortable; don’t castigate men for not wanting to do something that is uncomfortable and STILL relatively rare in Western Society. Men have rights to deny uncomfortability as well… C’mon son!
WHY is it uncomfortable you ask? For the simple reason that it is relatively unheard of…the fact that Jay-z does something (still unsubstantiated) is not an indication of cultural normalcy. WTS!
Why is it uncomfortable for me? Simply put…
1) WHY WOULD I DO THAT? It is not a part of the western culture in which I am based and nurtured! It NEVER crossed my mind! It’s like marrying a Christian african american woman in an orthodox Jewish Wedding ceremony!! Jews have beautiful weddings, but WHY WOULD I or anyone not Jewish do that???? It doesn’t emasculate me or make me less of x,y,z…it is simply out of the norm as it pertains to my habitus my culture, my world view. C’mon son!
2) If my female partner does not understand my rationale given above, and persists, if for some unknown reason I am still standing in her presence giving the time of day, I would conclude that her maniacal desires are a manifestation of the insecure female psyche (aka “feminist”) yearning for a sense of control in a delusional world in which she lacks power and I am the aggressor. Let me elaborate.
If she feels so subjugated that she needs to “Assert” herself or gain some “equality” in the relationship by having teh male hyphenate his name to add hers, she is essentially classing him as one of her oppressors from which she must escape or gain a sense of equality. If my partner feels this way about me… she is not my partner. She must submit to me the way I must submit to her. By resisting to take on my name is a clear indication of rebellion, stubborness and pride-fullness that has no place in the world of a “wife” , the same way if I did not submit to her, albeit in different ways, by not upholding my myriad responsibilities.
Imagine a male wanting his wife to do something uncustomary that is out of the norm of the society in which she was nurtured. That would be abusive and controlling to say the least.
Riddle me this cocktailsandcognac, why would a westernn woman ask her husband to hyphenate his name in the first place?
Great blog by the way…now just start selling ad space and it’s a done deal!
P.S. Jayz is whacked 1) for marrying Beyonce and 2) he can’t touch Biggie’s shoes…why would any self-respecting black man look up to him?
MCBEAN,
Well spoken sir. I was with you right up until the Jay-z being wack comment. But that is an entirely different blog! lol
Whoa, McBean…so a woman must automatically suffer from an insecure psyche if she calls herself a feminist?! That’s a loaded and ignorant statement. As someone who proudly declares herself a feminist, I do so because I personally believe in equality. Not that women are better than men, but equal. I personally would not take a man’s name in marriage because I am proud of my own name. There is power in language and the ability to name oneself. Historically, marriage has been an economic contract. Having women take a man’s name was one way for men to control that contract. Today, if a woman wants to take a man’s name, that’s great. But it should be just as great if a woman keeps her own name or if a man adds a woman’s name to his own. Let’s celebrate diversity in choices!
Woah unto you, Opinioness!
There was also a time when a black person with a last name like Johnson or Smith was basically property of that white family…while it is perfectly understandable if, in 2010, the said black person chooses to change that last name from “Johnson” to a name of their choosing, it would be quite another story for that black person to HOLD on to that logic in 2010, as if giving his child that name for instance, still means that his child is PROPERTY of the Johnson estate or something…it is simply ridiculous. So…while you site your historical reference, it is absolutely retarded (for lack of a better word) to presuppose that taking a man’s name in marriage is a throwback to that contractual agreement you mentioned (otherwise WHY else would you mention that antiquated practice?)
I think referring to the historical context is pointless simply because I strongly believe that men today are not seeing their female partners as property nor do they see marriage as a contractual arrangement that they control because of their penis. C’mon son!
How comfortable would you be if you were asked to do something unconventional compared to the society in which you grew up. I would LOVE to hear an answer. If you married a man that felt that only HE should be able to see your natural hair and so you had to wear wigs in public or even cut your hair…how comfortable would you be with that?
C’mon son!
@McBean, you are absolutely correct in your statement regarding black names equating property in this day and age. Yet racism is still very much alive and well today just as sexism is. I mentioned the historical context because you declared a woman’s wish to ask a man to hyphenate his name a “maniacal desire.” While you may not agree, I do not think there is anything maniacal about it. I recognize that for many people, a woman taking a man’s name is tradition. It can also mean something different than control; it can mean the symbolism of joining two lives. But to dismiss a woman’s decision to not take a man’s name or a man’s decision to take a woman’s name is insensitive at best. It’s so important that people open their minds to different perspectives and be empathetic to others’ views.
Regarding my own comfort level at being asked to do something unconventional, I already lead a life that runs counter to the conventions and ways I was raised. To answer your specific scenario, I would not marry a man who wanted me to cover my hair because I don’t believe in asserting control over another’s life in that way. For me, it’s not about submission but rather equality and compromise. While I understand what you’re saying regarding your own discomfort, it would be interesting if you explored why you are so uncomfortable with it. Combining your name with a woman’s could be viewed as an honor to each other other rather than a blow to tradition and/or masculinity.
Opinionness you are also totally correct when you say “…to dismiss a woman’s decision to not take a man’s name or a man’s decision to take a woman’s name is insensitive at best. ” But that is only PART of the story. I think it goes deeper. As I said in my earlier posts, if she feels that the act of taking HIS name (in 2010) is a form of oppression, then she is totally clinically insane and he should not have to put up with that. Just as ANY woman shoudl NOT put up with a man that sees her, his potential other 1/2 as the enemy. SHe should drop that like a bad habit, just as I would drop her like a bad habit. I mean if she feels that b/c of her profession or her pride of her family name, that she wants to keep her last name…then so be it. But if she is LIVING in the PAST and rebelling against a system that has long since died out, then heck…I’m gone.
I also explained why I am uncomfrotable with the idea of appending or morphing my name.
1) Not interested in a rebellioous woman
2) not within my habitus, my culture, my world view
3)and overall pride. Call me a McBean-chauvinist but hey…the McBean legacy is a powerful one and one that I want to build wiht an equally powerful woman.
You make good points though.
With women being nothing more than gold diggin hoes it is pretty stupid for any man, especially one with as much wealth as Jay-Z to get married.
uhm…wow! Even I’M shocked. Spidy, would be be a bit more prolific.
* Spidy would YOU be a bit more prolific.