Dear Bartender,
I’ve been with my man for eight years and he is less than the ideal mate but I have put a lot of time into him. While our relationship is toxic (cheating, he doesn’t prioritize me, we argue often, etc.), I don’t want him to become a good man with his next girlfriend after I’ve put all the time in. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Dear Holding On To Heartache,
Many women have faced this same challenge and while you have a right to feel what you feel, you can’t let your emotions cloud your good judgement. What many people in this situation fail to realize is a simple, often repeated, notion – some people are only supposed to be in your life for a season.
Love is such a powerful emotion that it sometimes prevents you from seeing things clearly, thus holding on to people beyond their season. What you need to realize is that your man will most likely NEVER be the good man to you that you are waiting for – not because you aren’t a quality person but because you are not “the one” for him. His next girlfriend may, in fact, be “the one” and he may learn from all the struggles you two have experienced and be a better man with her but this transformation doesn’t mean he would have ever done this for you because you are not his “the one.” With that being said, all hope isn’t lost. Just as he may learn from his relationship with you and become a better man for the next woman, there is a man out there who will learn from his previous girlfriend and become a better man for you.
Holding on to this relationship because you’ve been together for eight years is causing you to overlook the most important aspect of your situation – YOU ARE NOT HAPPY. Time won’t automatically give you the man you want so why put more time into this? If he’s not your “the one” you could be with him for eight more years and you will still be dealing with the same mess. Holding on to him is preventing you from finding your good man.
Listen, it sounds like the man you are with was only supposed to be for a season but you’re holding on to him for a lifetime. Let him go and find the man that will become a better man for you.
Can you drink to that?
-The Bartender
I agree wholeheartedly! Lifelong partnership or marriage does not make relationships easier. If the relationship is rocky in the dating stage, anymore time together will be War of the Roses. At some point the writer will realize her worth and get a dose of a man who is made for her so let that joker go. Also, don’t continue in any relationship where toxic is used to describe its state. I’m sure freedom and happiness awaits you…clear your heart of toxic so Mr. Right For You can show you what a healthy relationship looks like.
I agree with the bartender. It is very difficult to let go, but it is necessary. Start thanking God for not only the doors he opens, but the ones he closes. Close that chapter. Matter fact put that book back on the shelf. Move on and open yourself up to the possibilities of new faithful love. It is beautiful trust me!