I ran into my best friend from college and it turns out that we are both married and live in the same city. My friend and I have always had a platonic relationship. She is a great friend but happens to be female. How can I get my wife and I to be friends with her and her husband?
Dear Seeking Friendship WithOUT Benefits,
Reestablishing friends of the opposite sex when you’re married can be tricky but it’s not impossible. The best way to insert this couple into your life is to connect your wife with your female friend BEFORE fully renewing a connection with her. While you two used to be close in college, you’re playing on a different field now and there are rules of engagement on this terrain. The first thing you need to accept is that the two women in this scenario NEED TO GET ALONG. If your wife doesn’t like your old college friend then it’s a wrap so proceed with caution. Keeping the following in mind when attempting to encourage their friendship might be helpful:
1. Stay in the present day – The last thing your wife wants to hear is you reminiscing about your college friendship with a woman she doesn’t know so keep the “back in college” talk to a minimum.
2. Always talk about her and her husband as a couple – Be sure to share with your wife that it’s important for you to establish a friendship with her husband as well as her. No wife wants her husband to have a ton of single friends so focusing on them as couple may work to your advantage
3. Suggest that the four of you double date – Make every encounter with your old friend public and about the four of you. DON’T EVER MEET UP WITH HER WITHOUT YOUR WIFE!!!
Now, with the points above at the forefront of your mind, remember, YOU CAN’T FORCE TWO WOMEN TO BE FRIENDS. Their friendship has to happen organically so give it time and room to grow. Females have intuition so if they don’t like each other let it go and accept that you’ll have a facebook friendship (at best) with this girl from college.
Can you drink to that?