Dear Bartender,
As a husband I’m questioning, is a woman obligated to fulfill her husband’s needs even if she doesn’t want to? Does a husband have to do things to deserve sex from his wife or should she have to automatically have sex with him because they’re married?
Dear Love Hungry Hubby,
Sex is a beautiful and wonderful thing but depending on your daily responsibilities it can become a chore for some women particularly if both parties are not doing what they can to create an atmosphere for intimacy. This won’t always mean going out for dinner and a movie. You can create an atmosphere for intimacy by doing simple things like making your spouse breakfast, giving them a massage, sitting through their favorite television show, asking them about their day, etc. Creating this atmosphere can help sex happen organically as opposed to it being postured as an obligation.
With that said, to answer your question directly, sex is “an obligation” in a marriage and in that respect, when it is “given” it’s not always deserved but I would steer clear of using the above mentioned terminology if I were a man trying to find a route into the cookie jar. No woman wants to feel like she is intimate with her husband out of obligation. In fact, that concept can KILL the sexual experience for a woman. While sex seems to be mainly physical for men, it is physical AND MENTAL for many women and that means getting the body mentally prepared for sexual intimacy can be a chore if you have a billion other things on your mind. So, if you want her to be a dutiful wife, be a dutiful husband and do what you can to help lighten her load. Hopefully this can help you get what you “deserve.”
Can you drink to that?
-The Bartender
Hi Bartender. What you said was very well said, (or written technically). Having said that I disagree in a way. I don’t think a wife is obligated to give herself. I think as long as there is sexual relations that should be it. Maybe it does say that in the bible somewhere, but if it does, I think I will have a different view on some of the information in the bible. This type of thinking that has influenced a lot of males in our history negatively in my opinion. This type of thinking has lead to rape and will continue to be a punchline, (for some, definitely not the majority). I’get been married for more than 12 years and for the most part my hubby and I “get physically intimate” pretty regularly. I compromise in our relationship, but if I don’t feel like “doing it”, I usually don’t. Do you think i am wrong for that??