I’ve been disheartened to find that I have so many girlfriends (mostly women of color) who are educated, attractive, physically fit, have their own money and still can’t seem to meet a man worth their time. While these women are “dimes” in there own right, the issue of finding a mate seems to boil down to simple economics – it’s a supply and demand issue. There are more of these women than there are men who are looking for them. Many men I’ve spoken to suggest that these women’s standards (defined specifically as weight, height, education, familial relationships, salary, age etc.) are too high and while they may deserve a man that has all the characteristics on their rigid list, it just isn’t realistic.

After connecting with one of single girlfriends (who fits in the category of educated, attractive, physically fit), she came up with an interesting theory that suggests women who fit this category should downsize their list to include the most important standards. She outlines those standards with the acronym F.I.N.E. The definition is as follows:

F = Financially Astute – Wanting someone who is financially astute is NOT being a golddigger. Nothing is wrong with you wanting the person you date to make a good living and most importantly know how to live WITHIN his means. Women shouldn’t just focus on how much their man makes,  they should also ensure he knows how to make good decisions about money. Remember, often times, it’s not how much you make, it’s how much you save.

I = Intelligent – Notice the “I” stresses intelligence and not necessarily formal education (i.e. degree). There are tons of men who don’t have college degrees but are good men, will treat you like a queen and know how to make a good living. Don’t ignore a man with a reputable profession (i.e. the plumber or mechanic) just because he doesn’t have a degree. As long as he is intelligent enough to carry on a conversation with your formally educated friends, he should fit the bill.

N = Not Married – I’m noticing that some women are getting so desperate to be spoken for that they are willing to put themselves in the mistress category just to have someone. Remember, you’ll never win in the number 2 position. Whores rarely become housewives because whore behavior tells a man you’re not worthy of being a housewife and honestly, no real man wants a whore raising his kids. So, if you want a real relationship, married men should be off limits.

E = Emotionally Available – If a man has all the aforementioned characteristics but isn’t emotionally available, you can’t work with him. Don’t deal with men who still want to play the field, haven’t recovered from past hurt, or just aren’t interested in settling down. It’s not worth it. No matter how good you think the two of you could be together, if his actions suggest he isn’t emotionally available, use your most adored stiletto and kick him to the curb.

With the exception of sexuality and spirituality, I think this list sums it up with regards to what you really NEED when you’re on the dating scene. So ladies, while I know you may have a ton of additional standards on your list, remember, you can always get him a gym membership, show him how to make better clothing decisions and help him enroll in school, but finding someone who treats you like platinum can take an eternity so work with a brotha and stick to finding a man who is F.I.N.E.

Can you drink to that?

-The Bartender