I am a young, educated, professional black man looking for “the one”. I recently connected with a woman I went to high school with and we’ve been talking/flirting for a while. We live in different states and I connect with her whenever I go back home (which is usually three to four times a year). Anyway, a couple of months ago I found out that she has a boyfriend so I stopped calling. She recently texted me asking why I don’t keep in touch. Does that mean she’s interested? My question is, how does a guy go from the “brother” category to the “other” category? Should I make a move?
Dear “Brother” seeking “Other”,
While many men would jump to transition from the “brother” to the “other” category, I commend you for seeking a strategic approach. Although women are emotional creatures, most men don’t realize that many couple their emotions with their intuition to make relationship decisions. Since this woman is flirting with you, she already knows that you are interested. If she mirrored your interests she wouldn’t have a man.
That being said, I wouldn’t cross her off the list just yet. The fact that she texted you to keep in touch (in spite of your continuous flirting) means that she hasn’t fully crossed you off her list. Your locale might be one of the main reasons why she still wants to keep in touch but is entertaining other options in the meantime.
Finding “the one” is almost always about TIMING. Instead of sharing your feelings with this woman, you should stay in the brother category, strengthen your friendship and become the man she leans on when she is having issues with her man. That way, if it doesn’t work out, leaning on your shoulder will be natural to her and you will have the inside scoop about her relationship status so that you can make yourself available when she’s available. Even though this strategy leaves you in a holding period, you will have a unique opportunity to see if she can truly become Mrs. “Other”.
Shall we drink to that?!?!
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