You can’t go to twitter, facebook, an entertainment blog, or a news site without being bombarded with the details of how Chad Johnson and his wife of 41 days, Evelyn Lozada, played out what their marriage was really made of on Saturday, August 11, 2012. According to TMZ, Chad was arrested for domestic violence against his reality star wife after “allegedly head-butt[ing] Lozada during an argument” that begin when she questioned him about a receipt for condoms.
While some people are using this incident to highlight the adage, “you can’t turn a hoe in to housewife” (referring to Lozada’s past trifling behavior on the reality show, Basketball Wives-Miami (BBW), others are using it to highlight an issue that’s extremely important and seemingly omnipresent in the black community lately (i.e. Chris Brown, Memphitz, and now Chad) – domestic violence (DV). I definitely have a ton to write on the DV issue since its becoming a disturbing trend in our community…or just recently being brought center stage. But I will leave the DV conversation for another post. This post is focused on the first thing that came to my mind when I heard of this incident – no matter how good looking you are and how much of a freak you claim to be, if you don’t respect yourself, nobody else will respect you.
For those who aren’t aware of Chad and Lozada’s relationship history, they addressed his possible inability to remain faithful on the first episode of the spring 2012 season of Basketball Wives-Miami. When he shared with his soon-to-be wife that “Being able to commit to one individual over a long period of time is going to be new [to him]” she responded, “[If you're going to cheat] Tell me! And go to the store and get some condoms!…” She continued by stating, “What can I do but respect you and know that you’re telling me the truth, rather than hide it. Because at the end of the day, you don’t have to tell me nothing.”
This is where Evelyn and too many other women go wrong. While many may think that giving a man a pass on cheating will posture you as his number 1/ ride-or-die chick, all it does is further impose the belief that you are REPLACEABLE. Think about it, if you tell a man that you will “respect” him despite him cheating you’re telling him that you acknowledge that you’re not a treasure worthy of him “forsaking all others.” By giving him a green light, you’re simultaneously disrespecting yourself.
Now, for those who might say that Evelyn gave him a pass because she knew she wasn’t freaky enough for him, I would disagree. In late June, during an episode of Kandi Koated Knights, a late night online talk show focused on sex, Evelyn offered up intimate details about her relationship with Chad. She exposed their sex life sharing that they’ve had anal sex, almost engaged in a threesome, she swallows, licks butt, loves to be on top and considers her “freak number” (on a scale of 1-10) to be an 11. In my view, just sharing that information about her relationship showed a lack of respect for herself and the sacredness of her marriage but I believe that what women are in the bed shouldn’t be what they are in public and to me, that just wasn’t classy.
Either way, it looks as if the relationship they built on quicksand could sink any minute. I’m just hoping that, if it does collapse, more women realize that being a ride-or-die chick who accepts infidelity won’t keep your man home and most importantly, it won’t keep you happy.
Can you drink to that ?