Dear Bartender,
I find myself attracted to men with power. And I usually get them because I have the looks to do so. The men I date need to have a good job, money in the bank, a home and the financial ability to wine and dine me. I’m not talking about paying for dinner. I’m talking about everything (trips, shopping sprees, gifts, spa treatments… EVERYTHING). Now, while this is my standard, my girlfriends think I’m a gold digger. I’m a good person and I don’t mean to throw scrubs to the side but there is really NOTHING they can do for me because I am trying to marry a man with money. Do you think I’m a gold digger?
-Guessing about Gold digging
Well, first off, what I think about you really isn’t that important. What matters is what YOU think about yourself. If you think you’re a gold digger, then Honey, that’s what you are. If you think you just have high standards, then… okay.
Now, while I respect you having standards you might want to reevaluate your criteria and revisit your values. Why? Let me break it down…
First off, this mentality of wanting a man with money is often masked with terms like “I just want someone who has it together” or “I just want more for myself”. Let’s be real. If you truly want more than what you already have then you would get YOURSELF together and provide for YOURSELF to the level that you desire.
Personally, I think it is absurd to have all of these requirements for a man when you don’t have them for yourself. If you want a rich man, go get some of your own money. If you want him to be educated, get your degree. If you want him to own a home, take advantage of Obama’s homebuying program. C’mon! While I don’t know your stats, the likelihood of you having the aforementioned in order and STILL having these requirements is slim to none.
Secondly, many women who want this lifestyle don’t realize the chips they are forfeiting to play in this game. If you aren’t willing to work for yourself and handle your own business, the person you are with will ALWAYS have an unhealthy amount of control over you. For example, if he doesn’t want to hand over his credit card, you ain’t going shopping. If you get on his nerves, don’t think your “cookies” are going to confirm your trip to the spa because a man with money can get “cookies” anywhere. Don’t believe me, ask Elin Woods.
The bottom line is gold diggers won’t always get glass slippers. Relationships are work. You might be pretty enough to land a man with money. But while looks can land a man, it can’t keep him faithful or respectful. Honestly, you are throwing out the respect card when you come to him on this “you have to have money” nonsense anyway. Basically, if this is the road you are going down, know that you might be forfeiting your happiness because you are digging for money NOT love. If that is really what you want for yourself then so be it.
Good luck with that.
-The Bartender
If you disagree with The Bartender or have additional advice for “Guessing about Gold digging”, leave a comment and join this Open Bar Discussion.
Bartender, I could not agree with you more. I have no problem with women having high standards. Too often, women settle for less than they deserve. But once a woman relies solely on a man for money, she forfeits her freedom and independence. And THANK YOU for pointing out that if a woman wants a partner who has it together, she has to get herself together first. You have to love yourself before you can love another.
I agree with u bartender. It’s amazing how women have these high standards set for the men they choose to date but the bar they set for themselves is very low. i was reading this month’s Essence and was surprised to find that these “gold diggers” can join a network called Seeking arrangement to find single wealthy men whom they can build a relationship with. So now I have to fault these “sugar daddies” for creating these monsters! an actual dating network whose sole purpose is to supply women with Sponsers… Check out this month’s Essence page 94.
P.S- oh yeah and the song Sponser by Tierra marie is just perpetuating the whole idea that being a gold digger is “cool”
@ Philly’s Finest,
I agree and I think that “sugar daddy” network is a mess. However, it does keep these women (and the men who want them) in their own little world so people don’t value this type thing are less likely to be exposed to it….I guess.
On another note, it is interesting that you bring up the Tierra Marie song. Do you think she perpetuates being a gold digger more than all the rest of the rap/r&b videos that show women exposing themselves with an expectation of getting something in return?
I actually believe that hip hop artist have calmed down over the last few years with promoting songs that label men as “sponsors”. I think Tierra Marie is trying to make a comeback with this song and she is behind the trend with this one. Female artist lately, tend to promote the fact that they can do for themselves….
agreed.
Spot on, Bartender! Wanting a man with his life together is one thing, relying on a man for the money and power you yourself want is another. I know several women who found the man who could buy them anything when they were young, but who are now older and struggling to make ends meet after a divorce because the legal fees sucked up their small income or savings, and their “wonderful” husbands who took care of all the money also took care of hiding it in offshore accounts. Literally!
I know it sounds awful to think about the possibility of divorce when you’re looking for a partner, but the truth is not all marriages last and women have to be prepared to provide for themselves.
I hope this woman finds the man with the power and prestige she feels is a match for herself, but I also hope she gets (or already has) some power, prestige, and a savings account of her own to protect and support herself from an imbalance of power in a relationship, and a possible end to it.
Of course you are a gold digging hoe, what else would you like to be called. You pretty much stated that you are for sale. But hey you are a modern woman and that what modern women do. They make themselves for sale.