I’m on my third date with a guy that I REALLY like and I have asked all of the general questions - what do you do? where did you grow up? what do you like to do in your spare time? In the past, I’ve gotten my hopes up with guys I’ve dated to later find that it wasn’t a good match. I am interested in knowing more about the guy I’m with but I don’t want to seem intrusive. What are some questions I can ask to get the information I need to determine if we are a good match?
Questions while Courting
Dear Questions while Courting,
Finding out if you are a good match with the person you are dating takes time. You can’t gauge chemistry by only asking questions but there are 3 general questions you can ask to see if this courtship is worth your time and energy. They are as follows:
Yes. Two of the most important questions you need to ask are more about your man’s mother than him. Why? So you can make sure you’re not with a Momma’s boy. You might think this doesn’t matter but trust me, IT DOES.
You want to ask about their relationship because you want to make sure he values his mother, treats her with respect and follows through whenever she needs him. At the same time, you want to make sure they have boundaries and that he doesn’t allow her to delve deep into his personal life.
Why should you question her personal relationship? Because many women who don’t have partners emotionally position their sons as their companions. And many sons take on this role in an effort to protect their lonely mothers. A Momma’s boy with a mother who is alone is going to be a PAIN to deal with and you should know ahead of time what you’re getting yourself into.
If more women asked this question I believe there would be a higher marriage rate. Too many women judge men on where they’re at and not where they’re working to be. This question will help you to find out if your guy has goals (short-term and long-term).
Don’t assume if your beau is a lawyer that he wants to practice law for the rest of his life. You might meet a lawyer who is saving his money to open up a mechanics shop and submerge himself, full-time, into his hobby. Also, if you meet a janitor don’t assume that he wants to work for a janitorial company for the rest of his life. He may also be working on establishing his own business.
Where you are doesn’t determine where you are going to be. It’s just a stop in life’s journey.
3. Did you have a strong male figure in your life while growing up?
This is EXTREMELY important! For those women who are married you know that you can tell your husband something several times but when another man tells him the same thing it’s as if he has heard it for the first time. Why? Because men learn from other men! A woman by herself can’t raise a man. He HAS TO have some type of male figure. If your beau tells you it was just him and his mother (no father, uncle, grandfather, pastor etc) run QUICKLY in the other direction. Men value the behavior and the model set by other men they respect. If your beau hasn’t grown up with a positive male figure you are more likely to have work on hands in the chivalry department and sometimes also the “leading towards marriage department.” Again, you have to decide if this is the type of “work” you want to put into a new relationship.
In the end, when searching for a good match and building a relationship, time, patience and honesty are the best markers for success. The aforementioned questions are just to help you along the way.
Can you drink to that?