Do you want to get married but seems to be the girlfriend that your former beaus date right BEFORE they “jump the broom?” Do you think this means something is wrong with you? Well, you’re right. Something is wrong; not with you but definitely with the decisions you make.

If all or even most of your ex’s get married right after dating you it doesn’t mean you aren’t the “marrying kind”; it means you didn’t pick up on the signs that every man dishes out when he wants to say, “YOU’RE NOT THE ONE.”

That’s right! I said it!  He didn’t lead you on and lie to you. He told you EXACTLY what he wanted and needed. He may not have been forthcoming and honest. And yes, that does speak to his immaturity but you also have to accept accountability for the decisions you make in your own life.

Too many women cry rivers over men who aren’t worth a tear drop on a ragged kitchen table. Why? Because they stayed in relationships with men they knew didn’t want them. The tears are about the fear of starting over and the painful reality of the words, “YOU’RE NOT THE ONE.”

Instead of crying rivers, women who want to get married (or are just trying to find true love) need to learn the signs so they don’t waste their time.  Some are as follows:

He doesn’t claim you. A man who doesn’t want to put a title on a relationship with you doesn’t want to be with you. I don’t care what he tells you. Don’t believe that hype about being “long distance”, “too old for a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship”, “not wanting to expose his kids to someone new”, “being hurt in the past” etc. All these excuses mean, “I am not emotionally available…FOR YOU.” I added the “FOR YOU” part because, don’t be fooled, that same man will do all those things he won’t do for you, for the woman he WANTS to be with.

He isn’t dependable. A man who cares will not only commit to you but will honor his commitments to you. If he tells you he is going to go to an event to meet your friends, he’ll do it. He is never going to stand you up or be inconsistent with his communication (i.e. calling you every couple of days). A man who cares wants you to be happy and wants to know that you’re safe so he will honor his commitments and check on you often (if only for a moment just to say “hello”).

He isn’t his best with you. If you don’t bring out the best in the person you are with, you’re not meant to be together. You shouldn’t be forcing him to meet his full potential. Encouraging him is one thing but forcing is something else. Your partner should want to give you the best of himself. If he doesn’t, it isn’t meant. Accept it and move on.

He treats you like every other woman. If you have a special role the expectation should be that you get special treatment. If your man has a close female friend but cares deeply for you he WON’T treat you the same. A man who cares about you will honor you as his woman and keep every other woman in his life in the “friend” category.

The abovementioned are just some signs that may help you decide if your current relationship is worth your time. With that said, if your man doesn’t exhibit the aforementioned behavior it doesn’t mean that he’s the one (only you can decide that). Just know that you play an active role in not only the decision of who you are ultimately supposed to be with but also who you spend time with until you meet your “one”. Let the time you spend be worth it so (if you desire) you can be the bride instead of the just the ex-girlfriend.

Can you drink to that?

-The Bartender