Dear Bartender,

I’ve been in a relationship for two years and BOTH me and my man are ready to get married. The problem is he only has a part-time job. Normally, (if I felt like this was temporary) I wouldn’t care but he has worked part-time to make way for his full-time job (rapping/poetry) for SEVEN years! The money he yields from rapping and poetry doesn’t add up to minimum wage and it isn’t consistent. He is in his early 30’s and has lived this way so long that I am concerned he doesn’t plan to stop. I love him but I want to marry a stable person and build a family. How should I move forward?

-When Love Isn’t Enough

Dear When Love Isn’t Enough,

Let’s begin with the obvious, your man needs to get a REAL JOB. Anyone over 30 still trying to be a rapper/poet but making minimum income from it needs to do so before 9am or after 5pm.

With that being said, why I understand the need people have for their heart to guide all of their decisions, I’m wondering how you planned for the relationship between the two of you to work out? I ask because you have been with him for 2 years and he has been operating this way for 7. Unfortunately, your 2 years together has shown you what he truly prioritizes. If it was important to him to make changes to be the stable person you want for your future family, he would have done so.

Honestly, it doesn’t seem like him working part-time is the issue. His willingness or unwillingness to change his life for you seems to be your major concern – and it sounds like a valid concern.  So many women believe that you have to wait men out for marriage. You don’t. If a man really loves you and wants to build, he’ll make the necessary changes in his life.

Now, how do you move forward? You first need to sit with yourself and ask the following questions:

1. Am I willing to adjust to his way of life?
2. What does he bring to the table?
3. Is he truly “the one”?

Once you have answered those questions, talk to him. Have an honest discussion and ask him if marriage is truly what he wants and if so, let him know your requirements to get on the road towards marriage. I understand you love this man but you already know that your unborn children can’t eat his raps or burp is poetry. So, when it comes to marrying him be honest with yourself about what you truly want.

Can you drink to that?

-The Bartender