Dear Bartender,
I have been in a relationship for 4 months with a man that I care deeply for. He has introduced me to his parents and traveled to my home town to meet mine. We’ve talked about building a future together (marriage, kids etc.). Lately, however, I’ve seen a change in his behavior. I’m practicing abstinence because of my Christian beliefs and, why he has said he is cool with it, I think he can’t handle it and is creating reasons for arguments between us. What should I do?
Dear Abstaining,
First off, I respect what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Not many people will abstain from sex (even though given our STD infested world, it makes the most sense). You are holding yourself to a higher standard and I respect that.
With the abovementioned said, you need to increase communication with your beau and ask him to be honest about what is bothering him. Probe him to see if sex is really the issue. If you find that it is, you need to make a decision about if it makes sense to move forward with him.
While I respect what you’re doing, you must recognize that this has the potential to be a roadblock in these types of relationships. What can you do to change that? Nothing really. The only thing you can do is be honest with yourself and stick by your beliefs no matter how hard it gets. Many people may tell you that there is no way you can find a good relationship without sex but I strongly disagree. I prescribe to the belief that if the person is meant for you, they will wait for you. It may sound cheesy but if someone really cares and loves you there aren’t many limits to what they’ll do for you.
Can you drink to that?
-The Bartender
I can relate to your article concerning withstanding from sex. I have not had a sexual relationship or encounter since October, 2008. I am relunctant to have sex for a number of reasons. One reason is that I believe I should wait until marriage because that is what the Bible states. Also, I don’t want to contract any types of diseases. Beyond these two reasons, I realize that when you have sex with a person you tend to develop feelings over a period of time. Which is okay if this is a person who loves and cares about you. At this stage in my life I find that most men not all men have baggage or skeletons in their closet. I guess I am afraid to trust any man with my feelings for fear of being hurt. Anyway, being in a relationship with someone who values you and your feelings and vice versa about withstaining from sex is all good. However, at some point in the relationship I think it puts a strain on people. If you truly love someone and they love you I think you would probably want to express your love for one another at some point. There is a saying, It is better to marry then to burn. Can you drink to that?