He's Afraid of Commitment (or is he?)

Dear Bartender,

I was with my ex for 3 years. We broke up about 5 months ago because he told me that he wasn’t happy. I suggested therapy but he wasn’t interested and preferred for us to go our separate ways. Most of our issues were based on the fact that I wanted to get married and have children and he didn’t. I was DEVASTATED but figured it was fine because we wanted different things.

Recently, I saw him at a party with a woman I assumed he was dating but to my surprise it was his fiancé! I am pissed, hurt and upset. It’s only been 5 months and he has a fiancé?!?! This from the same person who was afraid of commitment and didn’t want a wife or children! I’m so hurt. A part of me wants to call him and give him a piece of my mind. Should I?

-Hurt and Upset

Dear Hurt and Upset,

Hell NO! Don’t call him. What would you even say? “Hey ____, I just wanted to let you know that you missed out on the best the thing ever”. You can say that till the cows come home but that man is still going to feel like you’re a fool and the “best thing ever” is the woman who is wearing his ring. I can only imagine how hurt you feel but calling him will just prolong your hurt and make you look ridiculous.  Even if a phone call makes you feel better temporarily, some feelings of embarrassment are bound to seep in once you realize that both he and his fiancé are sharing several laughs at your expense.

Listen, you have to recognize that many men (and women) play this game. They say they don’t want to get married and have children and what they mean is, “I don’t want to get married and have children…WITH YOU”. That’s hard to face especially when you’ve invested 3 years of your time but unfortunately it’s the truth.

While I’m sure it was difficult to see him move on in such a short time, you have to remember that classy women bow out gracefully. Don’t position yourself as anything less by confronting this man about something he doesn’t care about. While my words may seem harsh, he has moved on and you should too.

Can we drink to that?

-The Bartender

 

 

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4 Responses to He's Afraid of Commitment (or is he?)

  1. Very good advice, especially regarding classy behavior. The best revenge is to move on with life successfully. Radiate happiness, find new love, and live fiercely. He may even regret that move (after the honeymoon stage is over), but that’s not your concern. His loss.

  2. NaturalWonder says:

    I totally agree with this response. Especially the first sentence. The good news is that, although it may not be apparent now, your former beau actually did you a favor. He could have prolonged “the break-up” by agreeing to go to therapy and wasted more of your precious resources (emotional, financial and other). His behavior made it abundantly clear that not only are you not the woman for him, he is NOT the man for you. Now you’re available to meet your actual life partner… I’ll drink to that any day!

  3. kate says:

    It’s harsh but it’s true. He doesn’t want to get married with you. Let him be, just be proud that you get out the relationship without making an embarrassment of yourself. That’s a strong girl.

  4. August says:

    The best revenge is to move on with life successfully. Radiate happiness, find new love, and live fiercely.His behavior made it abundantly clear that not only are you not the woman for him, he is NOT the man for you.

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