I can’t begin to add up the amount of times that I’ve heard one of my male or female friends say one of the following, “I don’t want to be with someone who is coming into the relationship with baggage” or “I have to let my girl/boyfriend go. They have too much baggage.” People constantly throw around this term to describe those who should be avoided like the plague because being with them means you are going to deal with more than the average person…but is this really true?
People come into relationships with all kinds of issues (e.g. they come from a broken home; they had an emotionally charged relationship with their mother/father; they were abused; their last partner cheated on them; the person they have a child with constantly gives them hell, etc). Just because a person is coming to you with baggage, doesn’t mean they should be overlooked. What you need to know is if this baggage is checked or if it’s carry-on luggage. What do I mean? Basically, you need to know if their issues have been addressed and handled (what I call “checked” baggage) or ignored (what I’ve termed as “carry-on” luggage).
WE ALL HAVE BAGGAGE but you want the person you’re with to have baggage that has been folded and packed neatly under the plane waiting to depart on the relationship trip you are going to take with them. Baggage that has been addressed helps to shape character and in some cases can make someone a more desirable partner. With that said, beware of people who come to you with big bags of carry-on luggage (e.g. they were cheated on and can’t commit or they were abandoned so they push away anyone who gets too close). These are issues that, if not addressed, can destroy a relationship. The fact that it’s “carry-on” luggage means that it has the potential to spill out of the overhead compartments and fall all over the plane the moment you hit relationship turbulence. Having a relationship with a person with carry-on luggage often ends up being a waste of time so proceed with caution.
In the end, none of us are perfect. We all have issues (albeit some are more tolerable than others) so you shouldn’t be quick to disregard a person with baggage. Just remember to make sure their baggage is checked so it will be worth your while to board the plane.
Can you drink to that?